Oh Ye Of Little Faith!

Hubby doesn’t believe in my vision. He cruelly pointed out all the times in the past I’ve tried to keep us on this tight a budget and how miserably it’s failed in the past. Meanie! What he doesn’t take into account is how much my mindset has changed since the last time we tried this. I have a definite goal and a definite deadline. I have incentive to get this done. I have a plan on how to spend and the willingness to try. I know enough about myself to know that I am a reflexive spender. I talk about saving then immediately go out and spend $60 on some stuff that we may or may not need, but certainly not right now. It’s almost like I feel as if just talking about saving is deprivation and I need to prove to myself that I still have money.


I recently had a breakthrough with my food. It’s taking some work to implement, but it’s a huge one. Rather than telling myself that I can’t have something, I am telling myself that I choose not to have it. It’s a fine, but important, distinction. If I tell myself can’t have it, I am not in control of the decision, some outside force is. If I tell myself that I choose not to have it, I am in control of the decision and it just became a thousand times easier to do what I know I should. I’m not trying to rebel against an authority that doesn’t even exist. I need to get into that same mindset with money. Saving money isn’t about deprivation and all the things I can’t have, it’s about a choice to save or spend my money on more important things. That choice is all mine.


I need to remind myself that we are actually doing fine. We could send less to the debt and still get it paid off (just not within my ideal timeframe), and we’d still be sending quite a lot. That might help with the reflexive spending part of this. I will be spending a lot more time reading and finally watching some of the series on Netflix that I’ve heard so much about or have wanted to see. Eventually I’ll start work. That’ll help since I won’t be home as much to get bored and want to go out and spend money to alleviate the boredom.


As it stands, Hubby is willing to try, but not willing to curtail his spending too much. He still wants to be able to get what he wants, when he wants it. I want to be able to give him that but within the bounds of my tight budget. That just means that I’ll have to be great about saving on necessities so that we have more for fun. I’ve already budgeted some for his favorite recurring expense, but I need to make sure that I’m doing my best to save. I know, this sounds horrible. I need to cut down on what I spend so that my husband can spend whatever he wants. It’s not exactly like that. This is my spending fast. I never intended for it to affect him too much. I want him to rein in reasonably, and he absolutely will, but I am doing a complete spending fast for my own sake. I need to learn to better manage money for me. That reflexive spending has to go. So, no, this isn’t about me being the submissive little wifey. This is about me being the one who spends the most by an order of magnitude and learning to cut back and manage our money rather than just spending whatever, whenever. He is on board with paying off the credit and the car and the house, he just doesn’t think we need to be quite so strict. He may be right, but I want to give this a try for a while and see what we can do with it.

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7 Responses to Oh Ye Of Little Faith!

  1. Mrs. Mother Dirt says:

    My husband and I met and married when we were well into our 30’s/40’s. Already adults with our own money and debts. We have never put our money together. My philosophy is “less is more” and even $1 adds up. My husband is the OPPOSITE! He things we need a windfall. 🙂

    • They say opposites attract! Hubby and I both want to pay off the debt, he just thinks we should have more money to play with.

      Hubby and i consolidated our finances early on and i took over management of all of it. I’m way better at it than he was. I gave him his first ever savings account. Before that he’d always spent every penny he had and was sometimes even late on bills! We only differ on the details, really. And he thinks my attempts at frugality are funny.

  2. youmeanme says:

    I love reading about your compromises 🙂

    • Lol. We pretty much let each other do whatever we want. I try to ensure that my strange flights of fancy don’t impact his love of comfort too much, and he tries to comply with my strict spending dictates. We rub along pretty well together.

  3. feistyfroggy says:

    Do you budget in discretionary money?

    • The way I budget, we pay our bills, and I’ve set a blanket amount for everything after formal bills are paid. Gas, bridge tolls, groceries, eating out, fun, all comes out of the same blanket amount. Over the years I’ve come to get a feel for how much that should be. The rest goes to the debt. Lately, I’ve been sending money to the debt off the top, paying bills, and whatever is left is the spending chunk. I’ve worked it out so that it falls within a set amount. Recently I’ve cut that amount by a third, and that’s where Hubby is balking. He thinks that’s too much.

      To answer your question directly, yes, discretionary money is included in that big chunk of spending money. Right now I have $100 budgeted for Hubby to spend however he wants, and I’m going on a spending fast, so I shouldn’t need much besides grocery money. Aside from that, we have a little that’s not needed for the everyday expenses, and that’s what we’re going to get to spend on pizza, or an evening out, or whatever.

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