I am on a journey for sure. I am a lacto-veg but I still feel guilty every time I eat dairy. I assuage my feelings by eating very little of it, but I haven’t been able to totally get rid of it. Knowing what I do about how dairy cows and their calves are treated makes me feel horrible, but I’m just not there yet. I haven’t given up by any means, I just am going to be living with some guilt for a little while longer. I console myself with the knowledge that no one is perfect right away and I am doing better than I was at least.
I will get there.
I feel like I’m not doing much good because the rest of my family eats meat. I know that being vegan or vegetarian can save around 30 animals a year, but that doesn’t seem enough. But it’s the best I can do for now.
I don’t think I told you this but, when I went to order the meat bundle at the butcher’s, I walked out and there was a truck at the loading entrance. I looked over and there was a pig, a live pig, huge and black and white, being led around to the back of the building. It looked at me. I had no idea that the place that I was ordering meat from was also a slaughterhouse. Not that it makes much of a difference really, but seeing that pig being led back really got to me. It reinforced that I never want to eat another animal. What really made me cry (actually cry) was that we went to pick up the meat bundle the next week and there was pork in it. It’s entirely possible that parts of that specific pig are in my freezer right now. When we went to pick up the meat I couldn’t even go in the building. I had to wait outside. My husband is the one who transferred everything to the freezer and who will cook everything. I just can’t even be in the same room with it anymore when it’s raw or being cooked. When the boys are eating meat I won’t look at them. I’ll read or keep my eyes on their faces if I am going to talk to them; I can’t look at their plates.
I’m doing some good even if it’s only me. We’ll buy and consume less meat because I am not eating it. It’s something at least. And, when the boys are older I’ll explain my reasons and show them some of the footage and they can decide for themselves what they want to do. That’s what my husband will accept. He is a meat eater and doesn’t ever want to change. He won’t watch the footage and tells me to stop watching it if it upsets me. Misses the point entirely. At least I’m doing what I can.