Despite our best efforts, what’s done is done, and the world keeps spinning. I messed up today and I knew I was going to. It was a slow motion train wreck. But, it’s done and there’s nothing I can do about it now. It was a practical at school. I studied like crazy but got nervous and forgot things and it was just ugly. I can’t go back though, I can only go forward and take whatever they give me. As much as it feels horrible, I’m not done yet. I have a final tomorrow that I need to study for. I do better on written tests. I don’t get as nervous as with someone looking over my shoulder and judging me.
It is what it is.
I’m a lot more at peace with myself these days. I know I messed up, but I also know that it’s not the end of the world. I think it has a lot to do with getting older and settling into myself more. I feel more at peace now that I feel like I’m living more ethically. Green, thrifty, and (at least) vegetarian is in better alignment with my values than where I was before. Yes, I backslide. No one is perfect. But, I’ve made progress.
I may be all over the place, but I’m trending forward. Usually.
This year is about learning and becoming better. I did a good job last year and the trend needs to continue. Learning to be greener, healthier, how to save more, and what to do with my saved money are some of the goals this year. Oh, and learning to become a nurse. 😉
Success is a strange thing to strive for. There is not an end point for everything. When will I succeed in being healthy, or green, or ethical? There’s just about always something else you could do, or something you could do differently. I suppose that’s why we set interim goals for ourselves. I have some, I guess I just need to get more specific about others. My savings goal is great. X number of dollars in the year, broken down by monthly contribution, and tracked in my accounting software. I just need to get that specific and organized with other things. Thrift is in the same boat. I can set a budget and track how I stick to it. Green isn’t as easy. I can try to set goals like reducing my energy bill by so much a month, or growing 75% of my food over the summer and fall. Those aren’t bad. The first is measurable, the second isn’t as much, but it’s something to strive for. If I am able to grow the majority of my food, that will satisfy me. After all, I’m not going to be growing rice or wheat for flour; I’m going to have to buy some of my food. Ethical? How on Earth can you measure that? The best I can do is do the best I know how to do. If I can walk the walk and make my actions align with my values, I’m going to count that as success.
I feel like I’m coming late to the New Year’s resolution party, but that’s not a bad thing. New Year’s resolutions are made to be broken, these are goals I want to stick to. I think setting long-term goals at the beginning of the year is natural. It’s a fresh new year, and a fresh new start. You just have yo make sure that the goals are measurable, realistic, and in front of you all the time. It’s easy to get lazy, especially with long-term goals. Every time I log into my accounting software to enter the amount on a receipt, I’ll see the savings goal and my progress toward it. Maybe I should try to quantify as many goals as I can and put them into that software. Weight loss, utility bill savings, amount saved on food by growing it… it’s not the worst idea. I need to set shorter term goals as well, things that can be accomplished monthly or so. One new habit, or something like that.
Goals are important and I need to work on getting mine specific and measurable and broken down into doable chunks.