I’ve been feeling guilty because I couldn’t do all I wanted, and all I felt I should do, to be green. I’ve been trying to live up to an almost impossible standard: living totally sustainably. Not going to happen any time soon unless I really do win the lottery. Only then can I afford the land and help I’d need to farm and build a totally green house and all the rest.
This life that I’m building shouldn’t be the image of what other people have already done. I’d love to live like the owner of Polyface Farm, but I’m not so much a farmer. I really don’t know that I could raise animals for meat. I’d love to live like good ol’ Ed Bagley Jr., but I don’t have access to all of the support that he does out in California.
My life was happy and prosperous. There was nothing actually wrong with my life before. So, maybe it isn’t about fixing something that wasn’t broken to begin with. I’m just trying to create something new and better for me. For now there are going to be compromises in the green department, but I’m going to work on thrifty. That way, when it’s time to start “greening” again, I’ll already be used to mending it, using it up, making do, or doing without. What’s greener than that?
Building something new doesn’t mean it has to get done all at once. I can take it in stages. I have plenty of good years left during which I can keep adjusting and inching closer to wherever my flights of fancy take me. Better doesn’t mean perfect, either. Better means better than it was before. I’m already doing that. Compromises and all, my little corner of the world is greener and thriftier than it was six months ago. “Every day, in every way, I’m getting better and better.”
I’ve been so focused on changing things that I forgot to be grateful for what was already right. We are healthy, safe, secure, and happy. There’s no need to go changing any of that! Sometimes it’s good to just pause and remember that there’s stuff that’s going right and, while you’re trying to be better, you don’t ever have to be perfect, because perfect doesn’t exist.
I’m in the middle of some transitions and I’m a natural worrier. So far, it’s been a matter of reassuring myself that we, as a family, are doing well and I, personally, am headed in the right direction. I’m making something better. Something that will enable me to get where I want to go.There are times in life when things are broken but this isn’t actually one of them. This is about improving, not fixing. Time for a fresh start without all the anxiety to get everything just right. I’m doing what I can and that’s enough for now.
One more (longish) quote and I’m done – for now.